THE MEDIA AND MUAH

Hi light and peeps. I have unfortunately lost 9 kilos and have become an extremely unhealthy individual as told by a BMI machine and a personal trainer that I interviewed for my hosting programme, Illamai Connections airing on the 24th Oct 2008. My hard work and baby, Uncle taxi engae Pogudhu is airing on television on the 21st Oct 2008. And I am acting in a telemovie airing on Deepavali in the afternoon.So do check me out.

I seriously hope that My career will go extremely well. I feel glad yet exhausted yet excitied....Alot of mixed emotions good and bad.

I Hope you readers would keep me posted with your much exciting lives. Thank you for supporting me this far. And this is not and never will be the end of my life and breath for career.Acting my passion, my breath my everything.God bless everyone.

Where is Leasha?

Hi my lovable light and peeps. These past few weeks have made me go nuts.And have turned me into a zombie.I am crying while i am typing this post.Yes, i know what you are thinking? Where has Leasha Gone? You must be assuming that that i am doing really great mentally, after all i took more than 2 months of anti-social deprivation. It worked perfectly until others stepped into my life and tried to destroy it again. I suppose its a gift from god, to test my patience!!! Hell no!!! Swesh...my beautiful and peaceful yet doubtful life was doing great. ......I remember drinking hot chocolate at exactly 5pm, standing confidently at the 859 bus lane and talking to my good friend May, at how wonderful life has become. Until, Jason came in. And there goes ,my peace. WEEEEE.....down the drain.

I seriously have lost myself. I want Leasha back, so badly. Not some zombie staring at the computer typing this and grieving over the fact of saying yes all the time. Maybe it must be that book May lend me. The manipulative "The year of yes"!!! it must be!! I am so going to finish up that book first. I mean how dirty men can be? Not that i have not seen enough.I already experienced one.


Love and relationships has the power to alter and define our lives.How true is it? But is it because, we let it alter us? Who controls who? Why do people obsess over it? While I constantly try to avoid it, yet it comes all the way back again. By the way, my visions came true again. Changi!! If only i could understand my visions even before they happen. Conclusion, I never will believe in love and my respect for most of guys have diminished!! I am wiping off the tears off my cheeks.sIGH.Off to study my final theory.


PS i want leasha back.The one that constantly thinks about so many other better things. I so desperately need siva to give me that job From tantra ink. I need a diversion.NOW!!I really desperately need it!!!Please!!

I need to let go

Hey light and peeps. It's been a while for me since i updated.Although it seems to be a decade. Alot of in speakable things has happened over this week that i don't wish to share. Anyways, i am still in my greatest book escapism adventure. As i am reading each of the book, I am trying to relate every single book back to my life. As i flip each of the page, the smell of lavender on certain pages ,while others the patches of spilled coffee. I wonder who the previous reader was? And why this book? As i am reading a specific paragraph, did you my previous reader cry just like how i did? What made you want to read it? Just a liking,a hobby or maybe shares a certain familiarity with me, an insane idea of switch.Do the writer and i share the same thoughts or am i manipulated to think the same way as you do, my wonderful saviour?

You know i am absolutely grateful and have no regrets of choosing this adventure. Because i actually relate my life to it.And i realised that it's just the beginning of a change. I am lost in this trail of books.

About my exercise regim, i have lost 5kg from my previous weight of 45kg. However, i have learned to eat right and understand that by skipping meals it will never be healthy for me.

I am back to reading.Catch up with you soon.

BTW, A SPECIAL SHOUTOUT TO MY GOOD FRIEND WITH THE UNFORGETTABLE LAUGHTER , JANICE (13TH MAY) !!!HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOUGHNUT !! A SMACKDOWN ADVANCE GREETING TO ANOTHER GOOD FRIEND OF MINE, THE ONE WITH THE ALL SO MIXED UP YET NICELY WORN , MAY( 25th MAY). HAPPY BIRTHDAY WHIPPED CREAM!!!

Missed you girls. I can't wait to meet up with you and have a blast at our favourite hangout, The Mind's Cafe. Ok, alright we're not going to have those candles and will definitely keep in mind not to burn down the cafe. Although, i secretly hope to see the china guy again. I wonder what will be his reaction when he hears that we are having another birthday celebration.YIKES, THEY'RE BACK.RUN!!! I am sure as we girls step into the cafe, if the boss remembers, they might panic. I wonder do they have a warning alarm zone just to remind them of our existence? Maybe some anxiety attacks.Just like how any mother will feel,the fear, whenever she leaves her child alone in her room.The fear of repetition: the child giggling and jumping up and down in joy as he/she scribbles gibberish on the mother's painted wall with her lipstick.NO!!! The Cafe boss, i bestow you Mr Grumpy, must have nicknamed us as the destroyers or the bloodsucking group? or have they banned celebrations right after our fiesco...haha..I wonder. Missed Annie though. i wonder what might she be doing in Vietnam right now.

The Paradice Lyrics....

Hey peeps and light..i was deleting some of my documents in my laptop.When i came across this lyrics. This is our song, the Paradice song that we created for the first presentation of Public relations, in advanced diploma in mass communication.This is the song, that bonded 6 different lives. Janice,May,Nurul,Mitch, Annie and myself. We actually practised the dance opposite Istana (The president's place).

If i am not wrong, May do still have the video that we danced.

Paradice lyrics
If you ain’t got no money take your broke ass homeYou say: if you ain’t got no money take your broke ass homeP-A-R-A-D-I-C-E yeah, P-A-R-A-D-I-C-E (The boards and switching places of May,Janice and Annie.They too jumped very glamourously)
(section)

We’re playing poker
At paradice
Winning money
Livin’ the life
Oh, so easy, Winning the game
Down at paradice, oh so busy, busy

I remembered catching my breath as i rapped this part..haha..
it's located at wheelock place,
in the heart of orchard peeps
Twenty four hours yes
you don't even have to sleep
if you're above 21,
you can play it in style,
25,000 hungry peeps,
4 different cuisines,
only for you,in seven star
feel like jamming
celion dion, ricky martin, crazy house caberate in september
it is real and they are performing here just for you
sippin,eminscing on the days when will singapore have one
and finally

Nurul's and Mitch's part..They grooved really well.
I’ve got no problems down hereI’ve got nothing left to fear Cause I’m of the legal ageAnd I can spend my cash down hereI’ve got money in the bankAnd I’d really like to spendAll the cash I’d like to spendTill I’ve won some moreBut this cash is not enoughCause I really wanna win The 3 days 2 night stay at ritzDamm, im just a little shortSo i guess I’ll stay till 4I’m glad my husband got the cash, he lets me spent it all

P.S. I Love You - Ireland Letter

This has been my FAV romantic scenes...Loved it and have been my companion throughout my anti-social months..right this minute i am watching it

All Indian Food

check this out..damn funny

At midnight

Hi peeps and light.At midnight, and i don't know what to do.I just finished exercising close to an hour.A quick update on my reality. I have been exercising everyday. A lot of cardio exercise and crunches. My food habits has changed too. I have now fully understood what people meant by temptations. I was at sunplaza these past few days. I always have that craving whenever i pass by Coffee Bean for that scrumptious cakes or The Cavana for the cheese balls or the kopitiam or even the bakery shops for that delicious doughnuts. People, I have fully controlled myself from not eating those yummies.How? I either quickly munch on a fruit or simply drinking lots of water and thinking about my life.(P.S i have decided from today onwards i will not use the word pathetic). Surprisingly, my days of anti socializing is quite nice. I have been reading great novels, watching great movies, actually having a talk with my dad.(If you count the arguments as decent conversations) and understanding myself better.


Right now, i am reading my final theory book getting myself prepared for the final test. I am so desperate to get my driving license as quick as possible. For responsibilities awaits at home. Anyways, i got a job for a start to save some cash. A temporary interviewer under HDB. I am hoping to get another job other than helping my mom with her networking business of those health braclets while looking out for acting opportunities. Basically, i am hungry for money. I'm looking at all options. Then comes my dad, "Leasha, why don't you join the Ministry of Foreign Affairs?Go send an application." Oh please dad, i know what are your intentions. I know you too well enough. First was, police academy and now this. NEVER!!!

You can never brain wash me with your "wonderful" words. I mean you already know that my mind has been set on the media, especially my love for acting. You can never convince me dad.Anyways, i am going to watch a movie and catch up with my reading. Hopefully the days to come would be filled with great opportunities. I am definitely worried about my results for my second semester especially for my advertising. Light, i hope everything goes well.

Btw, I had great fun with Vadivu and her beautiful daughter,Miss Potato. I will upload the videos. hAHAHA, meena and i had loads of fun. Vadivu is a friend of meena who worked in the same department in Indian Bank and was introduced to me via meena.I am very glad to meet such a wonderful, jolly and super hilarious lady with such charisma. Especially her kid, a mini version of Vadivu. I especially want to thank Vadivu for encouraging me to improve on my tamil. And i have. Winks.Next is malayalam..Dad to my rescue.

Good nite.

Just a thought i would like to share.

Hi peeps and light. It just came to mind, as i am watching 'Pursuit Of Happyness' and after watching the American idol.I would like to say that the "American idol give back" is such a thoughtful and great deed to help the third world countries. However, why has American idol have not given much of a thought about their own people. That so many million homeless people? The need for survival. Why can't they give back to those people? It just came to my mind, that why dig into other people's dirt when you can't even clean your own dirt from your own back? Don't it just question you? After all it is America, the country we all look up to. Until the Infamous idea of choosing war as the solution against terrorism.How many centres can provide for the homeless? Just by begging how much can they earn? What are they thinking right in this second? Whether they are able to wake up the next morning? Are they hungry? Where are their loved ones? What were they doing before this?

I remembered while i was working at Indian Bank, my best friend meena and i were sitting opposite the archard shopping centre at raffles,near bharath building. I saw a paralysed man a distance away. Hoping to earn a few dollars by selling fun fair vouchers, in a wheel chair under the sorching sun. No one bothered to stop.Not one, as i sat there for close to 20 minutes. He was struggling to get the ten dollars from the floor. No one bothered.I went up to him and helped him. I remembered looking at him for that minute, he must be leading a great life or atleast a decent life before this. His loved ones left him. I will never forget that guy. His persistence brought me hope. Just work hard, have that faith believe in yourself even if you are handicapped. I am going to fight for that day when i am recognised for my talent,acting. That day will be the day when i will meet happiness for the first time.

I was 12 when i realised the importance of money. When my family went into a period where we had to eat porridge almost for 3 meals.My parents always trying to convince us that everything was going to be fine. Until now i feel fortunate that i have a roof to shelter me, food on the plate. But am i happy? Are we happy enough? I realise as i am writing you light, that maybe some of us have to go through before we can actually appreciate happiness.

Ok thats about it.Gtg, nites.

Toby Lightman- My Sweet Song

people please hear this song..This one really carrys me away..

Laura Izibor- Carousel

this is one feel good song...PLEASE HEAR IT..ESPECIALLY MEENA

Check this out

Hi peeps and light..


I would love everyone to check out my best friend's blog..it's new but it is filled with great posts.Especially to those who love watching madurai drama on Vijay Tv.

http://meenamemoriesatmohinizone.blogspot.com/

video diary 15

this is how genting highlands now looks like

video diary 14

check out our bullshitting...nothing better to do

video diary 12

WE ARE THE CONVICTS...haha..btw it after everything i relise that networking business works..so ignore us..haha

video diary 6

ignore my fat face..check out the surrounding..the heavy mist is cold

video diary 4

check out the sharp bends...ear blocks yikes

video diary 8

this is the SPINNER..it was drizzling..but was cool

video diary 7

first world plaza, the flowers in the end, were just some of the memories i took back

video dairy 2

Batu caves,malaysia..on the way home, check out the height of the Lord Murugan's statue

video diary 10

this is the space shot that i took

My genting trip!

Hello there peeps and light. I reached Home, close to midnight yesterday. My mom fell terribly ill on our second day of the trip. The business meeting/seminar/leadership was all about making income. How to earn US$100,000 in 6 months or become a millionaire in 2 years. I know the techniques though. I am not interested in earning my money through health products. Though, i am going to guide and help my parents prosper in this business. Gain more prospects,conduct more seminars and earn their million. My uncle tried to convince me as well as other people.My sister and i are the youngest. People constantly telling us that we should join this business and that we have great potential. We should be lucky to be attending to this meeting.

Oh for christ sake, leave me alone.Just like what Mr Mike said, " Never let anyone tell you what to do with your life. Not even your parents or your best friend." As such, though my uncle mentioned, i should consider myself lucky to be helping millions with their health products. I told him, My passion will and always be for acting and having my own production company. I do not wish to settle into this networking job. I can always help and make a difference in the world once i have attained my status in the cinema industry/film world.I don't mind earning my million through it until next year, to help for either my degree or achieving my passion for acting.

We had so much frustration from the seminar, that we lied ,that we lost our wallet and escaped the seminar for the theme park.For good.Muahaahaha... Fuck the business meeting. We had loads of fun. I played the space shot. My sister said that i am an insane bitch. When i was up in the seat, as i was up there abut 10 feet high up, i could see nothing but heavy mist. I swear for a minute i thought i was in heaven. "GOD," I remembered whispering.As i was pulled down, i felt my heart beating.The excitement. I NEVER FELT THIS ALIVE. For the first time, i saw emptiness up in the air. I met silence again.I felt the same joy just like punching against a wall for pain versus pleasure. When i came down, to meet my sister she told me that i was nuts to do such a thing. I admit, I am the only want in my family, who is a dare devil.

Next was the SPINNER. We were in a swing, ready to get spinned. Started drizzling. As i was spinned up in the air, the cold raindrops biting through my skin. I felt the wind. I had the most amazing feeling. That i was free.Free from all the problems that i had. I could do anything i want to do. The feeling, I am invincible. I was silent enjoying every moment while i was up there. While others were screaming in joy or in fear. I saw happiness in my sister's face. When i closed my eyes, i admit i saw him. BF. I feared. Feared in being in love. Once a friend, told me if you are confused just close your eyes and you then make a decision. God why are you messing up with my mind and heart? Well,while i was there, the only person i missed alot was my brother.

Anyways, my mother fell extremely ill. My sister and i took care of her. It came to an extent that i had to hold her hand to get up from bed. She was weak. My fear haunting back. Don't do this to me god.

Haha, you know something else occurred to me. I remembered having a vision that i was going to be at a room, where the wall was removed. And a guy pulling down a silver cloth. I did not know what it was. Had this vision ,a close to 2 weeks ago.I told my aunt. Next thing I know when i was at the seminar, i told my sister, i swear that the wall is detachable. She was silent. Staring at me. Like do i care kinda look?I mean how can a concrete wall be removed. IT'S A WALL!!. I thought i must be crazy though for the familiarity. Next thing you know, the last seminar on saturday, the wall was removed right before my eyes. And a malay guy removed the silver cloth from the board. I said under my breath, you're good GOD. Messing my mind, light.

The ear blocks were a killer. Even now, my left ear hurts, still blocked. Anyways, though for the boring seminar, My sister and i Met MR YUMMY. A chinese guy who looked so handsome. I mean seriously he has sharp features, not skinny or fat just nice.Cute ass. God!!! Light he is just so yummy.I told my sis we should tell him.By the way his last name is NG. He was the cameraman for that 2 days of seminar.Oh god please let him be a singaporean. I want to meet him. Our only survival from not sleeping at the seminars. I want to know him.You know what i should give him to my sister...A great gift. My sister deserves a yummy guy like him.God he is so delicious. I can't believe I'm saying this. But who cares. Let it be...

I guess you will realise that I was not able to understand my mom. She was too busy being sick. So my only escapism my book. And can you imagine, until the extend that i was reading my book, with the toilet seat down,at 2 am,sat 19th april. I didn't want to disturb my mom and sis from the annoying lights.

So for now, i will leave you with my videos. I hope you love watching them. NItes..Back to reality.

DAY 1:Are we there yet?

Hi there peeps and light. I am right now sitting uncomfortably at the genting indoor internet cafe. I just woke up, after trying to catch with my lost sleep. I can't upload the videos for now since there is no freaking USB connection. Well, the journey in the coach was not as pleasing as you peeps might presume. We basically got the worst seats. Just right behind the driver who constantly spat "mucas" out of the window, yuck and his incongruous habit of smoking though for the "NO SMOKING" sign. He reminds me of a chimney. My sister is still at her room while mom decided to head down to the casino with the other hommies.

The journey started from 11pm and we reached genting highlands at approximately 5:30am with ear blocks. You guessed it right, with nose blocks and ear blocks i definitely experienced major uneasiness.WELL,as for the surrounding here,behind me is basically a stream of indoor venice romantic boat ride, blasting some shitty opera music that is definitely not soothing at all.In front of me is a track for the indoor roller coaster ride. The screams are extremely "soothing". Here comes the headache.

PS I am losing my literacy. I can feel my brain is starting to numb. Surprisingly i am not at all feeling cold. And the rest are, shivering right to their knees. My sister calls me inhuman.Mom says because I'm sick.Oh well, who cares.

I don't think i am going to blog for the next 3 days. You have presumed well enough, my business cum vacation is sucky. I thought of talking to mom. But she left for the casino and won't be back to the room until an hour later. I wonder what my bro, aunt and dad are doing right now back home.

Overall, I am killing my already boring life . The scenery though is breathtaking. Took great shots. As for the coach journey. One word disastrous. I slept less than an hour. You don't get to see much except lonely roads,dangerous curves, huge scares of land for hours before a burst of civilisation,tall buildings,24hour MacDonald, dunkin donuts shop in the middle of no where. Basically surrounded with tall palm trees in the midst of a beautiful full moon.

Since we are not allowed to casino, i guess my enjoyment here is limited.I won't be entering the theme park until tomorrow. I pray light and peeps that it will not rain. And mother nature will not let me down. I wondered with awe, such beautiful structures built very strong. right at the top of the mountain. In the midst of valley of hills.

PS the opera song is killing my brain cells. Literally i meant it.It's not doing any good. Can't wait to get back home. I am so not enjoying this. Meena,sha sha and vaish how are you guys doing? Satya...Btw, i surprisingly don't missed any of you guys. I guess i am just not myself here. My soul is officially lost from me. Got to go. I have to head back to our temporary hotel room. Once i am back at Singapore, i will tell you peeps and light in detail.

I still hope that the rest of the days will be fine. Hope to meet nice people, especially cute guys...I'm serious.Got to head back. Have a much better life where ever you are.

Life as we know it! Through Books

Oh alright. I am back. Though, i am sick. I just can't sleep. It's already,3:07 am.DAMN Amensia. About my book escapism, You know what! I do admit, i guess i need to avoid murder thriller stories for a while and turn to heart warming ones. The thriller books, have definitely made me cold hearted and emotionless. High time, for a change.

Anyways these 2-3 months is all about changing myself for the betterment.(Gosh blame mr lim and Padman my electronic media and journalism teacher respectively, for using this popular unknown word so often).

Once i am done reading, i will definitely list down the books that i have read so far. If you really want to do something different.Try connecting your inner self with something. Like for instance, for myself books and movies. How about yourself? Want to offer yourself a change? It's no harm, you know. Just pure acceptance of life.Another chance to believeing hope.

Haha...I am flushed with positiveness at this second. Surprisingly, I am sick and I am happy...Happy for what? I don't know.
Oh god!!!.. Usually, almost oftenly i get moody and now surprisingly i am happy when i am sick. Man, what is getting into me!! The relapse of reading heartwarming books?? No Leasha, The flu medicine is definitely making you oozey....

Try it! Reading books. A change, no harm. Side effects hormones begins to go crazy with positiveness and you will be flushed with happiness. No found of negativity.

Damn, where is Leasha?Yohhooo...lost in books..

*OZZEY: Lea's Definition: Dizziness yet awake.

Genting here i come!!!

Hi peeps and light. My performance was sucky.Well, i don't wish to talk about except i cant wait to give a better performance for the president. As for vaish, i am not a compulsive alcoholic and i wont become one.Hahaha, thanks for your concerns though. I will be fine.

Well, I'm heading to genting for the next 5 days. For business cum holiday. Though, i have fallen ill. Sobs. Hopefully i will get better before i reach genting. I decided to record my whole journey for you peeps, to enjoy the sights and sounds with me. A video diary specially added for this already pathetic blog. Figured that God, has given my sister and myself this great opportunity to understand my mother better.As a person. My whole of 18 years, i have not understood my mother. Never felt love from her. And i want to know her inner self, her passions and basically her whole life. I want to be able to finally tell her that I am sorry for all the troubles that i have given her. And i want to show her that i truly love her and never meant to hurt her. As the eldest after my adopted brother, i want to make it up to her. Truly. Can' t Wait. Officially, nervousness has just kicked in.

I have done alot of thinking these days. And i have decided to give myself a chance to make my love relationship work. Although, i will always keep my distance from commitment. Not like as if i have a choice of freedom like the rest of you love birds out there have. Without doubt, under my priorities, love is in the last section of my life. Many of my friends, like Meena,May and a few others have mentioned a couple of times, you are matured in your mind, though for your age. I am only 18 by the way. LOL. Oh come on, matured in mind? Piss, yeah right!!Haha, ask my sister how childish i still am. I guess i have to admit i am kinda matured in mind. Maybe it's because of the responsibilities i have at this age. More than what an ordinary middle class girl could have. Again, everyone has problems. We just need have to have that little faith and hope in our hearts to break those barriers in front of us.

Well. don't get me wrong.Not like as if i have completely lost my old self. I still don't believe in love..haha, my friends are definitely pist by me whenever i say this. I guess of the inspeakable Bus incident and other incidents that i have witnessed have led me to a conclusion that men are disgusting and have the most dirtiest mind. SHUT UP LEASHA!! Told yeah peeps and light, i still haven't changed a bit. Damn this blog has definitely messed up my mind. Words have become an influential tool to changing or creating a definite mind confusion.

Right now i am watching PS.I love you my favourite scene, the one where both the characters meets each other for the first time, in Ireland. Well, these beautiful scenes only happens with proper guidance from award winning authors and director's beautiful selection of shots. And lots of lighting and fans to create the mood of wind and sunshine. Great dialogues. Beautiful musical score. Amazing editing. Of course, they never forget the perfect casting. What more can i ask, Gerard and Hilary.

I am now wondering, is there such replica scenes in real life too? Well, as for my boyfriend, how did we met? Well, lets see, in acting class. He staring at me, and me fiddling with a phone. And i definitely remember bumping into him when we did our characterisation around the studio. "Sorry" we said to each other.That's it. I don't remember hearing music. With my eyebrow raised in doubt. Yup, im perfectly sure i didn't hear music. Except i thought "he is cute."

By the way, I seriously feel that right now our relationship stands at a 4/10 scale. Due to his school work and everything.I don't blame him. He has to remember the bet. Oh gosh..what have i done. I just realize something and i am definitely not saying.

Anyways, my phlegm is irritating me. My nose is whistling away.My throat is itchy and i can feel like I'm going to be down with a fever. Perfect chance, for me to purposely stop writing this blog and sleep. Got to go. Hopefully There is an Internet cafe at Genting, so as to update on to this blog, k light and peeps. NItes.

PS I hope these 4-5 days will be great, filled with happiness and one the most memorable chapters in my life. I don't know what it is, but i have this feeling that i am definitely going to experience a hefty. Blame intuition. I don't know. I don't wish to expect anything, otherwise i will feel regretted.

A child's fascination

Hello there peeps and light. I was strolling, yesterday at night alone. Figured i needed some fresh air and i desperately needed silence. My parents were at Malaysia and were supposed to be back yesterday. However, with a last minute call that my mom's aunt died (her aunty has 16 kids.All married.Holy mother of god. Apparently my mom has 15 siblings, 3 died out of cancer. I didn't even know or rather my mother chose not to talk about about her life. I really hope that my trip to genting will allow me to understand my mom better). I can break record for attending the most funerals. LOL. I guess that's why i am numbed in my heart and know exactly how a funeral works. You ask about celebrations, i don't know much at all.

Anyways, it just surprises me the fascination that one child has. For instance, for myself the fascination that i have were the buttons of a calculator or the cashier at the supermarket.The more chunkier the buttons the more i was excited. When i think about it again, it is silly. I mean as kids, we have so many silliest fascinations and curiosity just kills me sometimes. Like yesterday, a 5 year old kid, was so intrigued by the mannequins that he kept holding on to its hands just to make sure whether it is alive, i suppose so. Or how about the girl with the curly hair, her eyes in bewilderment when she looks at the traffic lights. Excited by every second. Tapping her feet and her eyes fixed. Waiting for her friendly green man. Another girl, she was walking along a slope meant for cyclist and kept telling her mother that she won the challenge of who walked the fastest. I mean seriously, children though i despise are really interesting people to meet.

When i was younger my dad used to tease me that i was so obsessed with dancing and had a gift of grabbing people's attention . I vaguely remember that one incident in east coast, there was a huge party going on. And the host, asked if any one wanted to come up the stage and dance. Well silly me, as young as 5, i was the only one dancing in front of hundreds of people. Dad continued that I love posing for pictures. I laughed hysterically even now whenever i look through the photographs. Great entertainer I am. I guess, maybe at that time, i had a fascination too. A fascination at why people love to see me dancing or acting stupid in front of them. Oh god, i still feel so embarrassed.

Back to reality. I have not had the time to head down to the gym.I had to take care of my brother here while my parents were at Malaysia most of the time. By the way, my dance teacher anjum she's driving me nuts. I mean no doubt she make me call her 'didi', elder sister in Hindi, its just i feel that she's trying to be more than just a dance teacher. I guess, i blame loneliness. She is a beautiful lady. But i have a life here and argh.Though i respect her a lot and she is a lovable person.Only my besti will know.

By the way, i have performance this Wednesday at 5pm at sifas. I feel that i have completely lost my energy. Really after all the spins. One section alone, 27 continuous spins. Absolute dizziness. You know with all the other problems in my life, i had a sudden urge to head to the 7 eleven and get myself a small bottle of Jacobs Creek. I kept telling myself you don't want to turn into an alcholic.

I figured that i should use this time to watch more good movies. A diversion from my harsh reality. Annie is going back to Vietnam. Though i might not know her much due to the language barrier she is definitely a handful. I'll definitely will miss her, the same goes to the other girls.

As for my love life, nothing interesting.Boring and absolute silence. He must be busy with his school. I guess i don't want to ask anything from him. I was chatting with my good friend, sha sha yesterday. And she reminded me that if you want a relationship to be alive,there has to be communication. In my case, it is, only 5 minutes. I can't ask for much can i? After all, I'm the one who wanted to stay single. He is in JC. You know it is silly for me to say this. But i really don't feel like i am in a relationship. I mean sorry for me to say, I feel single still. Then again i ask myself, why aren't you glad. I really don't know. There is no 'activeness' in my relationship. I don't wish to discuss this with him since he is busy with his school and everything else.The least he could answer is NO TIME. Well, a decent reply would be good. I am laughing at myself right this second.

Anyways, I'm really tired and weak. I am going to have an early nap. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day for me.

Smiles...after a decade

It's been a while since i smiled or laughed hard. Hi again peeps and light. I was in Malaysia yesterday and came back home today at 12. The highlight in malaysia, was that i basically preoccupied my time by playing with Scooby Doo my relative's puppy 1 1/2 month old boy.
Basically he is my preoccupier. I basically killed my time there by playing with him. He bite,lick all sorts of places that you don't want to know and cuddled. He was indeed a great companion indeed.

Today, the girls and i met up at our usual and favourite place, the Mind's cafe at Prinsep place. We celebrated Nurul's 21st birthday. It almost seemed a decade since i actually laughed hard. We had loads. It almost came to a point where we could have burned the cafe down just because nurul couldn't blow the magical candles off. So nurul gave her birthday cake to the managment people there, for tolerating our nonsence and the smoke. HAHA!!Damn funny the china man.. May didn't come though. PS: It's alright may. For janice's im sure you will be there. We hope everything goes well with you may.

Though i have laughed, it doesn't meant that my problems have been gone. I had a good talk with may though. She advised me a few things.Told her a few things which i have not told to anyone at all. I guess i do share a certain similarity with may. Emotional, sensitive and placing our priorities well. I will take heed of your advices, May.

Ok peeps, im too exhausted to type.. do enjoy the videos.

A small Greeting

I would love to wish my parents a HAPPY 19TH Wedding anniversary greetings. May you both love birds be together in good health and filled with joy and peace. We love you!

Mind's cafe the others part 2

this is another one..woo hoo nurul

Mind's cafe others

while playing the games

Scooby doo

My malaysian companion

Nurul's 21ST birthday at Mind's cafe, The girls

The magical candles

I DECLARE

Hellow there fellow humans....I declare that i have temporarily lost my presence.My mind is gone.It's not with me anymore.I just need to get it back. Try a little harder. I thought of heading to my silence today,light! Instead i had to head down to the driving centre today with my besti meena.Great! We had to kill some time till 4:20pm, so headed to ang mo kio hub. While we sat at a metallic green bench opposite the best view, a cash converter store and a block of HDB flats, and to my left is a bald and middle age chinese guy staring at empty space. Background music, crows..PERFECT! i wonder what must he (the bald man) be thinking about. Survival? He looks alone. Well, back to myself and my besti. She was definitely trying to make a conversation like how she felt after reading this pathetic blog of mine, that i am basically a complicated person. I told you i was trouble.

She was telling it's either you're in a relationship or not, YES or NO! You either love him or not.Ok see the point, im a weirdo. I just know or think that i am in love with him. Anyways, it's not like as if we are in a relationship for a year.It's going to be a fourth by wednesday, the 9th. This number always comes around.A signification.

A complicated bullshit, im referring myself. No wonder i am a loser in this love section. I guess time and wind will direct me light. Soon enough i hope. I can't wait to meet the girls this Wednesday in our favourite hangout.The MIND'S CAFE.Love them loads.

Alright, got to go.Im currently watching "My girl 2" while updating this ridiculous blog. Back to watching.See you peeps.Hope atleast you have your mind in the right pocket.Winks.

Exhaustion

Hi peeps. my spins were not as perfect as suppose to be.Went shopping with my guruji,Anjum. Today was rather an exhausting day for me. I have no idea why i have been feeling so low and light headed. I don't feel myself. My mind is not with me. I bet yoga would definitely not help.I tried doing yoga, once, by watching HOME & HEALTH at 5:30 am and only cursing myself for spraining my feet. I went for my kathak dance today. I did good.Though

I constantly tried reading a book today. Not helping. Right now, I hate the fact that so many people are telling me constantly that i am indenial.IM NOT! DEFINITELY NOT! Indenial of love.FUCK IT! My good friend, ruku advised me.Oh god, what the hell am i getting myself into? She was telling me to erase the thought about my hatred against love. And it will definitely help me. I told her i will try my best. My sister on the other hand, (CHECK OUT THE TAG BOX)
I guess i really need some peaceful place. My sister told me that in our lives we have 9 principles. Check out her blog: inmydairy.wordpress.com. She told me to put my career(one of the 9 principles) one side, and think about all the other principles. If only we could see for our eyes or touch to convince ourselves that the person really loves you.If only there is scientific prove.Only see to believe. Then again, i ask myself how can we convince ourselves that our parents really loves us. Right now, I am too tired,physically and mentally. I guess i am going to my fort and meet my silence tomorrow. Silence is the church, and my fort is the rocks at the park in front of my house. Hope you peeps have a better day then me. My life is bascially a question mark though with goals and a dream in my heart.

Love syndrome?

Hello Peeps.Since i have blocked my social life for the next 2 months.Yippe. Some call me insane. Basically i want to sort out some things during this 2 months. Like working on my acting career.I want to fully use these 2 months, to work on my fitness and on my kathak dance as well. I am heading for the Kick boxing next week. For friends who know i have anger management problem.

My boyfriend read my blog yesterday. He was definitely felt very concerned about me. It's like going through a cold turkey. Some of my good friends mentioned that i am subconsciously am falling in love. I suppose i want to believe in that. I admit i have not been myself lately. I have not been sleeping well at all. Always getting up in the wee hours, and forcing myself to sleep back. Forcing myself to read a book. Not helping at all. When have i ever read romantic books? Seriously, I am beginning to.

Whenever i am browsing for a book in the library.I have always avoided romantic books, reading only the thriller or suspense, filled with blood and murder.Never so far have i ever read romantic books at all. I am beginning to love, romantic movies.CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!! Oh god! Told you i name this love syndrome.It's a disease i am telling you. A good disease, i suppose..HAHA. When i asked my good friend, how did you know that you were in love with your boyfriend? She said, "I just know!" with a wide smile. I guess we all have that love. Maybe i do have it. I just been numbing myself. That is why im not letting it get to me. It's not that,my fear has been gone overnight. It is still there. I guess LIGHT, maybe there is always a reason to everything. I wont know it yet. Ok,alright got to go..

Cheers to Love, that i despise!

Hi peeps. I'm back again. Guess what, I told the BOY. That I once loved him for 5-7 years. At exactly 12 midnight, 2nd of april 2008. The previous night, I saw him outside, while I was heading home while talking to my best friend.It struck me that I should tell him. He walked too fast, for me to catch up. So figured a phone call would be my next option.

Before, I even told him, my heart was thumping so fast I thought I was going to collapse. I collected every strength as possible as I can and I told him. Finally after all these years. I know he must be wondering why now. I figured if not now then when? I don’t love him now. He is just another chapter in my life. I constantly repeated to him that I need to let go off you. I need to, so that I will never regret loving you these years and wasted it. Although, he did mentioned whether it was an April fools joke. I'm shacking my head literally and telling myself are you kidding me. For Christ sake, Not now. Oh no, not now!!!

He then added I'm not a good guy. Hello, it does not matter to me anymore. I told him I found someone else. Silence for at least 10 seconds. Before he replied, I'm happy for you. “Thank you!” I said sincerely. When I asked “did you love me? Ever?” I told him about that incident when Samantha came running towards me, screaming to an empty canteen and to that innocent gullible girl “He loves you!” She smiled with hope. Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell that little girl that don't fall into the trap. That there is no such thing as love. I was ridiculously stupid.

THE BOY was trying to reason out to me. I told him, tell me straight yes or no. “No” he replied. My heart leaped with joy. I felt so relieved. Although, when I thought about it for a minute because of sam, I wasted all those years of loving someone who will never love me back. I was stupid I guess. I don't blame her. Blame childishness.

The point here is, I finally told him. I never felt this relieved so far. This will be unforgettable feeling. The feeling of being new and fresh. Neither am I single right now. And I should be happy that he can’t have such a wonderful person like myself to be with him. Screw him!! Screw men!! Haha. Singlehood still rocks.

Then came my Boyfriend. My best friend. He understood me more than any guy that I know of. He is mischievous, so hilarious. I laugh so much till my stomach aches. When I’m with him all those problems back at home becomes invisible for that whole hour that I spent with him. He shares the same passion as me. Acting and dancing. He has his own grooves. You should check it out!

Satya, my best friend. I never was attracted to him like he did on me. He told me a few times. “I saw you across the room, fiddling with your handphone. I have never seen a beautiful girl like you.Until that day when i laid my eyes on you.” Well, COW, I was trying to avoid in making eye contact with anyone there in the room.Handphone was the only excuse.

For the first sight. although, I found him handsome, quite good looking. I remembered observing some girls were really paying close attention on him. While I was oblivious, that he had a close eye on me. Even after the beach, when I was helping my friend, who is in love with him, to get them together. Unknowingly, that he is on me. Shit.

A friend asked me so what do you define this relationship you have with satya? I looked at her, confused but thought deeply! His my best friend what more can I ask for? Then she asked, “But do you love him?” I looked at her. With fear In my heart. “does liking him a lot, count?” My eyebrows raised.

“Leasha, for christ sake please look at yourself. You are scared of falling in love!” IM NOT!!I just don’t want to fall in love. I still crave to be back to being single. He loves me a lot. But I just need time to understand. After all, we both ,Well I think that its not going to last. (PS Please don’t be mad with me when you read this. Im trying hard. Im beginning to). This is called dating. She then argued. Then why are you still with him? I replied, “ how was your day today at home?” An excuse to avoid further interrogation. I don’t blame her. She is just concerned.

OH alright, I admit im trying to run away from reality. God, why does this love keep running after me like a mutating virus. When I keep trying to avoid it keeps…..OH god!!! Light help me!

I just want to concentrate on my acting and my life as a single free individual. I saw his friendster profile, he was standing next to a beautiful girl.When I asked him. “Close friend.” Oh god, I cant believe for the first time, I felt so jealous. I’m sorry! I cant be jealous!Why am I jealous. After all im not in love with him. I’m supposed to be having fun like all the other young adults do. Not to take things so seriously. I gave him the authority to love someone else or date some else if he wants to. While dating me.I mean which girl friend does that? I'm disgusting. Why am I feeling like that?

I hate this word LOVE!!! For a long time, I despise it. I kept asking GOD, light that why me!!I would rather feel a character’s love for her guy in a drama or movie, than in reality. Then again, if you don’t feel it in reality how Is it possible for you to understand your character’s emotions? Precisely.

He is too good. I know satya for nearly 2 years. I might know what are his faults. Sooner enough, I will. Maybe he is a bad guy? Played a bet with someone else, that if you get to love this girl and dump her soon enough, you win the bet. I dunno. Damn those brilliant love movie screenplay writers. Ok Leasha, what the hell are you trying to do. I mean, all guys are assholes. Jerks. He must be like the other guys.NO HE IS NOT!! Maybe he is just hiding it. A womanizer. NO!! He claims he is not a smoker or drinker but he just doesn’t want to admit. Oh come on leasha, you didn’t even kiss him so how would you know. Oh Alright!

Stop it with the excuses. I'm giving a hard sigh. And completing my today’s update. I guess I have to admit I am afraid.Although, I’m not good enough for him. He deserves better.Coming april the 9th, is our 4th month.Almost seem a decade. I give a half smile.

I guess after all I will never understand what love is.

So peeps, I'll say it again. It almost seems this can become my punch line." All those who claim that love completes them, are the ultimate fools." Good night.

the Holiday - the Beginning

i just am in love with the soundtrack of the holiday just after Jack black smiles at his girlfriend.The movie is absoluately must watch

I CONQUERED A CARROT!

Hello there. I am back after a "decade" filled with miserable mishappenings and horrendous days. Hope you peeps are enjoying rather a hefty than me. Most probably, I'm back because I'm inspired by a carrot. Can you believe it? My dad forced to eat a carrot today.Mind you i remembered when i was eight and my mother forced me to chew on a whole carrot. I mean, You would rather ask me to run like a manic across an expressway than to eat a carrot. The taste is blar!!! I wonder how my 9 year old niece just love it so much though, that "passion" in her eyes.THat hmms and arhhs in between her bites!! OH GOD!ME IN DISGUST. Until today!!! Heavens calling, angels speaking.LEASHA for Christ sake conquer that damn carrot. And i did it. Ok alright, my bad. With in between bites of chocolate to erase the taste of carrot. I mean who the hell found this vegteable? GUN him down. Although, it has become another unnecessary inspiration for chefs to use in their receipes. I'm never going to eat it again.

Enough of carrots. Next in line for contributor for disaster in my life, is love. Although, he loves me a lot i guess I'm beginning to feel rather flimsy.My current boyfriend. I mean it not like as if I'm in love with him. (i am extremely sorry for being mean. For all the other things i said) HE is such a nice guy.TOO GOOD for me. I don't deserve him. Damn it why did i say yes. I dunno, i just can never trust men. Not that i am expert in relationships. Fell in love with a guy for 7 years.I bestow you, BOY.Nobody knows until this second.That was the only.Bloody one side love!

I guess i realized overtime, that i want my current bf to have a chance to be with me, which i didn't get with THE BOY I still remembered the days when i was at the bus stop every Tuesday and Thursday that same time, the same bus. Waiting patiently just to THE BOY. When i saw him, all came out from my mouth was air.The thing, was he never took the liberty to speak to me. As an acknowledgement at least to a friend he knew from 7 years old. RUDE!Either pretending to not know me, just stare disgustingly or avoid. I know i was dorky. I had a plaited hair. Looked famished every time.

I thought it was love!Childish love? I bet if i collected every drop of my tears, he would have drowned. How would you feel, the guy that you love so much is kissing another girl, or dating with several girls and god knows how filthy his mind has become. Next thing i know, the guy i know in my childhood, is drinking and smoking.Not that its any offense. The change confused me, my heart, my thoughts.The worst, i lied to him that it was just a childish liking when he asked me whether if i had a thing for him. Admittedly i was scared.Sooner or later, my dad kept to know. I lied to him that it was nothing. A convincing lie. To my current boyfriend, i said the same lie to him about that childhood love was nothing. Shoot me.

Again, why did god want me to experience love. I keep trying to avoid it so much. It comes running after you like a blood sucking vulture. Sometimes, i pray to him light, that he would give that love to my sister. She needs it more than i do. I need to concentrate on my acting career.

As for my career, i got my big break.Not really big. But for now it is. I am acting in an English drama on channel 5. Great experience.Although, i am desperate for someone huge in the industry internationally to discover me. I will keep fighting for my love of acting.One day, soon, this world will know my name, LEASHA SONAM! People screaming and asking for autographs from me.Apart from the fame and money it's my passion really for acting that drives me. Encourages me and gives me the hope.Next in turn, my brother.He is my inspiration & my drive.

PS.Just a minute ago, my sister and i are watching NORTH COUNTRY. The movie that really got into me. The real nature of men.bastards. She just told me, if you are so outraged about men, why are you in a relationship, dump him!Maybe i should.

Got to go.Again,forcing myself to lose my inspiration to write.

We're All Actors!Liars by tongue, Sinners as Eyes.

Hi Light.It's been months, since i updated on this freaking blog. Well so many ridiculous things have happened. I am attached!!!I know you,you must be flabbergasted.It is Unbelieveable.And i utterly cannot digest the fact that i said YES!So not me!! Like i have mentioned before, futher personal Details will not be revealed except in my dairy.Although, we( my bf and i) wanted to keep this as a secret. We then decided that we should let the cat out of the bag. I mean people,sooner or later, will have to know. I don't see a reason why we should hide?Although,what "disturbs" me is that he loves me & I don't. I know its silly but i just.Haiz..don't ask.

Anyways, I have acted in the same drama Mudivu with another character as a make up artist to a top model played by Vasantham Star finalist Udayah. We definitely had lots of fun along with Ish(another co-artist) & assistant producer Lavanya too. I did good.Had good comments. Hopefully, i get more offers and better character roles to challenge myself. Especially, I'm waiting for a call from Blue River productions. And I am so worried about my exam results. Lost of inspiration to type. I'm sure you people out there have atleast enjoying a better time than me. Cya soon!